Letting emotions move through you
I heard a great story during my Master’s years. My mentor was telling us about a tennis player he used to work with. One day, they were meeting on the court, and the player was saying how frustrated he was with his backhand. He was trying to alter his technique, but he couldn’t quite get it. He kept describing his attempts in excruciating detail: “My wrist is at the wrong angle; this shoulder keeps dropping; my grip is too tight.” After some time, my mentor cut off his chatter, instructed him to take a deep breath, and casually asked him to just demonstrate what his ideal backhand looks like. Without thinking, the tennis player nailed it. He seemed shocked, but all he did was get out of his own way. In other words, he stopped the incessant analysis and trusted his body.
Self-trust of one’s body and skills is a huge component of mental strength, but how do we train it?
There are many training tools, but I want to start with something that’s very accessible. It may not seem obvious, but one way to cultivate greater trust in your body is to listen to the language of your emotions, and then let them move you to move through you.
OK, let’s break this down.
When we experience an emotion, any emotion, it doesn’t just manifest in our mind. Rather, it’s a full-body experience. Think about the last time you felt infuriated. How did your body respond? Did you feel hot? Did your jaw clench? Did your shoulders tense up? What about the last time you felt joy? Did it feel like every cell in your body was dancing? Did your heart feel light? Did the corners of your mouth turn upward?
You have a physiological response to every single emotion you experience. That’s the mind-body connection in action. Cool! But, you know what’s not so cool? Trapping those emotions and not letting them move through you. This has been studied extensively as it relates to trauma, but it’s applicable to the day-to-day moments of life as well. We experience emotions every single day, but we don’t always create an outlet for them.
As Mark Nepo says in The Book of Awakening,
“The ongoing effort to dance, to give gesture to what we feel and experience, is ultimately healing because, as riverbeds are continually shaped by the water that moves through them, living beings are continually shaped by the feelings and experiences that move through them. If there is no water moving through, the riverbed dries up and crumbles. Likewise, if there is no feeling moving through the body, the being at the center of that body will crumble.”
So, if you want to trust your body more, practice listening to it by letting your emotions move through you. Here’s how:
Step 1: After the initial jolt of a raw emotion, give yourself time and space to fully lean into it. Take 5 minutes and simply let the emotion rise to the surface. Be with that emotion. Commit to co-existing.
Step 2: Notice any physical sensations that arise and rest your awareness there.
Step 3: As you stay focused on the physical sensations, allow your body to respond in any way that feels natural. If your emotion translates to a tightening in your throat, you might be compelled to cry or scream. If you feel heaviness in your chest, you may be activated to breathe slowly and deeply. If your joy manifests as a vibration in your body, you’ll probably want to dance. Your body is wise. Listen to it and let it move accordingly.
Step 4: After you’ve allowed the emotion to move your body, and then move through your body, sit in stillness. Simple be - and breathe. Congratulations, you just processed emotion in the healthiest way.
Learning to trust your body can feel like a monumental task. But, when we know how to put it into practice, it becomes quite achievable. The more you listen, the greater you’ll trust; and the greater your trust, the more advanced your ability to get out of your own way and perform purely.